It’s what you don’t see

Life and social media is a funny thing! We build a story that we want the world to celebrate with us.

Today is my 50th birthday, and that means so much to me. I always recognized 50 as when my grandma was disabled from arthritis in her back. My mother started fighting rheumatoid arthritis full-time at this age. They both lost mobility and for me, that seems like a harsh punishment. My grandmother gave in to her disease, she let it tell her what she could not accomplish. My mother fights it every day and still does things that push her body well beyond its limits. Then tomorrow, she will do it again.

I often hear comments asking me, how I do “it”. The how is easy, I put one foot in front of the other. Even on days when I do not want to. Those days are fewer now. I have my calling and I know what my body and mind need every day. I will share with you the why.

Why do I wake up at 4:30 to work out? If I do not my body becomes stiff and unmoveable, after just one day. The pain is a 7-8. The cure is to walk, lift weights, and stretch every day. I become tired and depression creeps in. All of this is much worse than a 2-hour commitment to me. #wakeup

Why do I work so hard? My father is a farmer he brings it everyday, no matter what, and taught me that I am here to make a difference. The only way to accomplish it is to do it, every day. I work hard, and I could be more efficient and smarter, but that takes away the joy of exploring how to make things myself. I learn so much this way. #showup

My antiaging secret is simple. Grandma Kuhl told me at 17. You only get one face. Wear a hat and sunblock every day or you will see changes early that you can’t reverse. I do use botox because it makes me happy. I do buy serums with a vitamin C base, and I moisturize and cleanse my face twice daily.

Stress is a part of my life. I can’t avoid it. My job is to make people do what they need to do to be successful. Not what they want to do. Everyone wants the magic button, pill, or potion. I teach them how to do it in a sustainable way. This leans into the growth mindset. A few years ago I went to the ER with heart pain. It was prevalent for months, honestly, years preceding this event. I was treated and continue treatment to this day. My goal after that day was to recover and rebuild to make myself mentally and physically stronger.

What did I do differently after? I understand what I need to be involved with and what is too hard for me mentally. I now remove myself from situations where I do not need to be. This may be a conversation, social media environment, work situation, or friendship that no longer serves us both. Lingering in unhealthy conversations poisons my brain. I try to solve problems for others, often problems they have no intention or ambition to solve for themselves. Now I walk away to preserve my health.

Physically I try to do things that scare me. This can be a marathon, lifting weights in the boy’s weight room, a new class in a new city where I don’t know anyone, or a variety of scary situations. In September this year, I was able to summit Mount Katadhin. It was a big hell yeah moment. Don’t let your health limit you. Your body IS STRONGER than your mind. Once you quiet your mind. Your body can rise to your challenge.

Today on my birthday, I made myself a priority. Scheduled that colonoscopy, and once again everything was not perfect. This is real life. The timing was perfect the outcome of removing four polyps was perfect. I will now have another reason to celebrate life next year.

Why I share all this is to inspire one person who is struggling. I am certainly not perfect. Please don’t believe that myth. Why do I share the good? So that you see me and read the bad. So you know my truth is real. The struggles come daily, and my way to cope is to find positivity in every way possible. That is my method. Yours may be the opposite. That is your truth.

What has changed my life? Scheduling every hour of my productive week. I am not naturally good at this. I learned it, applied it, and it’s working. So when you need to get something done. #calendarup

The girl’s guide to total world domination is my journal of how I am working to be the absolute best at whatever I do. This means understanding who I am, where I am, and what I need to do to get to where I want to go. Join me #wakeupshowupcalendarup. You may see me one way, and that is your truth. I am adding a layer of transparency, so you know that you are worth it. You can do more than your mind limits you, too.

I want to create a community where we are transparent, uplifting kickass women, and set some goals that scare the crap out of you!

A lesson for every year.

Every year we are alive we learn a lesson. Looking back on the past 50 years. I took stock of the key events from each one.

My year on the lesson is that our parents were prepared in some way to create a baby or the baby was made. They have no idea what skills they will need to raise the baby. My mom was only 16 when I joined her in the world. She was thrilled to be a parent. My dad was never prepared for it. He never embraced it. He never was a parent.

This was my truth and as I turned 50. I realized that his truth was different from my mother’s. She felt the calling to be a great parent. He was and is not the person who would be my dad.

I am blessed with a great dad. I am lucky. The man who gave me life does not have the interest or desire to be a great parent. I accept that and forgive him. It allows me not to be sad or angry about what he was unable to do.

Forgiveness is not for them it is for us so we can move forward and find what we need in life. Many of us have this experience in year one. It is a shared truth of our journey. Not everyone who is in our life will be who we want them to be.

How do we make room for the next generation?

How do we make it great for the next generation?

Leadership for the next generation. We had great women that paved the path before us. They made the option for us to get a seat at the table. They were the first to lead in a room of men. They were the first to host a morning show on radio dominated by men. What unique qualities or inability to settle in did they possess?

They wanted more, they had to be unhappy with what the usual path of success looked like in the 70’s and 80’s. That’s right ladies we have not had a seat at the table for a very long time. I recall my early days in 1991, with my first professional job. All the leaders we men, all the team leads or floor leads were women. We held the second position. It was not until Oprah aired on September 8, 1986, that I saw a woman take a leadership role in a very visible stage. I was in awe. How did she do it? How did she get there? She sure didn’t land on TV one fine day.

Now we face the challenge of creating a space for young women in leadership. They have role models. They have ideas. They have opportunities. They need us to open up space for them. Give them a seat at the table. Let them in before they “earn” it as we did. They need to sample what it feels like.

So next time you are given a big assignment. Bring someone else along with you. Let them make meaningful decisions. Reach out to a college or high school student offer your time. Pay attention. They need us to show them HOW.

Blisters and Lost Toe Nails

We all have heard of a friend who did a long run, big hike, or other athletic activity that was strenuous, stressful,  or just new to their body. They take off running and get blisters and lose toenails.  It happens all the time.  It all started with a big idea.  The finisher T-Shirt, the social media post of success, or maybe just that thing you always wanted to do.  We finish with the end in mind.  The glory of victory is enticing and we often don’t break it down into the steps we need to take to cross the finish line.

I am on such a journey.  We are hiking up Mount Katahdin in Maine in a few months.  Doesn’t sound like much of an endeavor on the surface, and I quickly said yes.  Of course, I want to hike up a mountain with my friends.  So we all bought plane tickets and booked hotel rooms for months down the road, and we started to prepare.  Now let’s look at the preparation because that was very different for all 6 of us.

My preparation was watching a video about the world’s best free climber and how easily and lightly he ascends mountains.  Sure Alex Honnold has extraordinary strength, the balance of a gymnast, and has been climbing for years.  Free Solo is a very inspiring movie.  My favorite line of the movie is that the people who know what he is really doing are freaked out and what he is doing because it is it’s so dangerous.  Luckily the mountain I will climb is not like El Capitan.  

Have you ever climbed a mountain?

Have you ever done something dangerous?

Are you a risk taker?

Next, we made a schedule of actual hiking in Wisconsin, so I would know what it felt like to hike.  I grabbed my trusted old hiking shoes from 6 years ago.  They were hardly worn, so they must be just fine.  We headed to Devil’s Lake and started to climb.  The up was no problem, I had the physical strength to do it.  Then as we headed down the slippery rock wall my feet were unable to grasp the ground.  I spent the next 40 minutes nervously moving down the rocky staircase the entire time hoping my knees would absorb the descent and my foot would hold the ground.  The hike was not so dangerous to be life-threatening, but a hard fall would certainly hurt and could lead to an injury.  

My hiking partners had recently visited the local hiking outfitter and just purchased new shoes.  They were excited and pleased with the way their hiking boots were holding firm to the slippery rocks. They were comfortable with the slippery rocks like it was flat ground.  It occurred to me that the movie was inspiring, but had very little to do with the hike that I was preparing for and worse yet.  I had not prepared for the actual hike I was going to do.  

Next week, my husband and I head to the hiking outfitter.  I spill the beans to the sales guy.  I am hiking in Maine,  we are going up Mount Katahdin, It will be 4000 elevation gain.  We are taking the easy trail, with no ropes.  We are going to use the Saddle Trail, we expect to be hiking for 10 hours and this is my first climb.  I have used other shoes and didn’t like how they slipped.  The shoe salesman proceeds to give me 3 pairs of boots and explains that one is especially good for new climbers with bad knees, hips and back.  Thank you, I know you are listening and now you are talking in my language.  Injury prevention is my primary concern.  I happily parted with the expensive hiking boots.

My husband tells his sales rep he needs hiking shoes.  That is all, just need hiking shoes.  He buys a black pair and is rolling his eyes that I am sharing all the details of my upcoming journey.  Fast forward to our first hike in the new boots.  He gets a blister, not one, but a couple. The boots are narrow, and uncomfortable on flat ordinary pavement, he gets a blister.  

As a salesperson for my entire life, I simply said to him.  You didn’t give the salesperson enough information to recommend the right product for you.  They have climbed mountains, and they know the best tool for the job.  Slow down and let them ask you the questions they need to answer to give you the right product.  In marketing, we call it a Client Needs Analysis, fellow hikers.  We all face mountains.  Take the time to let your partners know about your journey, or you will get blisters and lose your toenails on the hike.

You do dangerous work every day.  Running your business is dangerous work with many opportunities for injuries and pain.  Make sure you select a partner who has been up that mountain and will recommend the right products for the job you need to be done.  If you get the right advice.  It is not expensive at all, and you will not get blisters.

Open Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Shar;

As I look 50 straight square in the face I can tell you a few things.

You are brave and your soul guides you. Keep close to that, you don’t know and may never learn the limits that can be there. When you think you have reached your limit, you are wrong. It can get better, and it can get worse.

It will not make sense but your family losing your home, your stuff, and your friends at 10 years old is the best thing that will happen to you. You will move across the country and be reborn. You will get a fresh start and build yourself the way you want to grow. Learn that money doesn’t buy love. Learn to work hard and struggle. This will prepare you for life.

You will do things you shouldn’t and be a pretty wild teenager, but just like the wind of change that took you to Florida. The winds will change and you will return to Wisconsin to become a woman.

Your twenties are great. You get to start making decisions and you will. Some good, others not so good. Each time you change, you have to rebuild. Find new friends and build a new support network. This too prepares you for the future.

The Thirties are a time of settling and having a family, building a career, and setting groundwork for your future. Make a career in a field that few people recognize as an opportunity. Find that taking the road less traveled is where you can pave your own road. Your career takes shape and you start to soar.

When you get to forty you have seen more than you bargained for. You have lost several jobs, your husband loses his job and goes to school for years while you march forward hauling the load. At the time you reach forty, you finally realize that you don’t care what people think of you. That is most of the time. Somehow this is a familiar pattern to you at 10, but you know this path. You are successful, and you will be successful this time as well.

Staring the face of 50, I have many fantastic friends, and I am blessed that God continues to guide me in my journey.

What would you say to your younger self?

This is the hard part

This is the hard part. The part when you take your idea and show it to the world. Now you are out there you have to make a plan to sustain your dream or vision.

What is exciting is creating a new vision or dream. Write it down and commit to it. Commit to it so much that when it comes time to put in the work, you can do that. To start your new you should have a list of 30 ideas to support your vision. For me, the idea of #TWD started 20+ years ago. I have been writing my ideas, challenges, and thoughts this whole time. I have journals and journals of ideas. That was the easy part. No one saw them. They were mine. I could hide them. I already planned to burn all the journals a few days before I died. Not sure how I was going to do that, but I did have a plan. Instead, I am publishing them.

They are my journey but guess what there are plenty of people who have an idea or dream and they do not know how to start. Here is where you start. START HERE. START NOW. START BIG. START SMALL. These are all roads to success. You can find someone to follow who will guide you, but you have to START.

Here is what happens. You get excited and then it gets ugly, painful, and hard. You start and accept the ugly. Look at the ugly as necessary to get to where you want to go. Start knowing it is gonna get ugly.

#TWD is only possible if you commit to yourself to start. (Total World Domination)

Why am I running across the field naked?

This is a blog to myself, but in the nature of transparency, I am letting you into my thoughts, experiences, and choices.  Why am I running across the field naked?  Why am I taking it all off and exposing myself?  Not using photoshop, no makeup, and no filter? 

Some people will like what they see, others will see all the scars and imperfections and turn away.  Just like all of us, I have a story, and some have said it is worth telling.  WHY? To keep it on a topic I’ll say this.  I am proud of what I have accomplished personally and professionally. 

I am from a hard-working family who had an experience where we lost everything, because of the farm downturn in the ’80s.  We were homeless and poor.  Not like hey you don’t get a nice pair of shoes poor.  Poor like my parents were up at night trying to find ways to get money for groceries.  We lived with relatives (4 adults, 6 kids) in a double-wide trailer and had 4 dogs poor. (Thank God for FREE lunch and Country Music)  That did not define us.  We are not still there.  We are here thriving.  We never had money, but we had lots of LOVE.  Thanks, Dad and Mom!

I am a child of the 90’s we didn’t talk about what was wrong, bad, hurt us, or ugly.  We used Aqua Net, hot rollers, blue eyes shadow, and nude shimmer lipstick every day.  That is changing.  Those crazy Millennials have started something.  They are unfiltered, raw, and truthful.  I am inspired.  I have 40 years of journals about me running naked across the field.  I believe if I share my scars.  I will learn more about my journey.  I will grow and I may help someone else.

I believe that my experiences have made me, shaped me, and I want to share this journey.  If I help ONE person then I am fulfilling my life’s purpose.  To help Women and those Men who are interested see their value, truth, and opportunity in this world. Not excluding any readers, but my readers are primarily women.

That said this blog is not an account of one situation or event.  If you are uncertain about my intent in a post, and you have run naked across the field with me.  Ask me.  I am always honest.  So this is not a blog that is mooning certain people.  IT’S FULL NUDITY!

Let’s Get Started

It is January 2022, I have been collecting professional stories for approximately 30 years.  I feel compelled to take notes when people share their stories.  I can’t help myself.  After all these years, I feel it’s time to share the stories so the next generation can learn from them. Will I save someone some heartache?  I am not sure, probably not.  The best lessons are those we learn ourselves.  My goal is to write a book.  A collection of short stories.  Let’s start here.  Let’s start now and see where this journey takes us.